The year has come and has almost gone by and I’m exactly where I was when the year started, literally in the same place.Another year might come again and go off just as seamless as this one is moving by. I’m not healing like I had hoped, physically at least. Despite the fact that I have been a prisoner to my own body for what seems to be an eternity, I’ve gained so much.
When I hear the term ‘headspace’ I think of the space where your thoughts are at in a given time of your life. Thoughts about your life and how you live it, the space your thoughts occupy in your head, headspace. I never really gave it thought until I was confronted with the vast space in my head. Now I don’t mean that there’s nothing going on in my head, on the contrary. The space in my head is infinite. It scares me staring off into the abyss that is my head. Endless ideas and thoughts too many to process all at once and too many to recall at leisure.
It’s funny how huge the contrast is between the two worlds I live in daily. One, the small confines of the home infirmary and the other, an endless space that I doubt I’ll ever completely explore even if I spend all my time wandering the wonders amongst my thoughts. My freedom is denied, I’m dependent on everyone for everything. This made me turned to the inside of my head, the space around me was too limited and being trapped was starting to drive me crazy. That’s when I slowly started to realise what I had within myself. A collective of everything I’ve experienced in this life and everything I imagined on top of that.
My headspace is what carried me through and always has. I was just blissfully unaware of how simple things can become when I reflect within myself and seek the truths that I can’t see within the limited parameters of the situation I currently find myself in. I started working on myself, the space in my head and how I move within it without losing myself completely. Life can be overwhelming if you don’t look around you. I always preached not to stare yourself blind into your problems, and I still do, only now the way around my problems are just so much wider than before because I’m aware of the space in my head.
The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason. Sadly, passion rules reason and that’s the trick, to be passionate but reasonable or reasonably passionate with yourself. I can be sad and angry but not lose myself within my anger and anguish because my headspace allows me to move around it. It’s easier said than done but when you are left with only yourself, your thoughts either becomes your sanctuary or your hell and I guess I just figured it out when I needed to.
ExtremeDries - 19:19 | 4 comments